Friday, October 22

New F5!!! The Top 5 Serial Killers!!!

Since Halloween is next week, I figure I'd use this week's F5 to help remind you that humans, can be more terrifying than monsters. This week's F5 is the Top 5 Serial Killers or the "Damn dude, you're fucking crazy". I have something planned for the next F5, so for this week I'm gonna have to restrict the candidates to regular, crazy guys (ie. no slasher killers who cannot be killed) who have a blood lust.  Check it out and remember this, your next door neighbor, child's teacher, or co-worker could be a bat-shit crazy type of person, who goes around blugeoning people to death with a dildo (that'll make a scary movie I think).

5. Norman Bates (from "Psycho" series)

The dude is a psycho... literally, I mean, the movie is called PSYCHO! They didn't have to come up with a clever title to say the antagonist of the movie is coo-coo in the membrane. Nope. They titled it PSYCHO. Back in the early days of cinema, he struck fear in the hearts of those who wanted to take a relaxing shower or check into a seedy motel after renting out a prostitute for a hour. And I say he is a perfect example that single mothers need to pass some kind of psychological test to be able to raise a fatherless son... because in this case, he may end up killing you and wearing your skinny jeans/leggings...

4. Dexter Morgan (from "Dexter")

At the 4th spot, we have a guy who is an expert at "blood-splatter". And he should be, seeing as he is Miami's top vigilante/serial killer. At a young age, Dexter witnessed his mother's murder, which led him on his murderous but somewhat moral path (if you consider killing people who do evil as a moral). And through careful planning and precise executions, Dexter has been murdering criminals who've gotten away with human trafficking, murder, rape, etc for years.  Only those who truly deserve to die for their actions are killed by the hands of this seemingling nice guy. But then again, he did just kill a guy in a bathroom after he lost his temper... but you can't blame him, his wife just got killed by the Trinity Killer (shoutout to John Lithgow).

3. "John Doe" (from "Seven")
I've seen plenty of fucked up movies, but Seven will probably forever hold the spot as one of the most fucked up (but really good) movies I've seen. Seriously. In this movie, "John Doe" (he burns his finger prints off making it hard to find his true identity) goes around killing people based off sins. Example. he forces a guy to have sex with a prostitute WHILE he has a knife strapped to his penis... yea... John Doe would've ranked higher if he had killed more than 5 people (I dont wanna ruin the ending, but he doesn't kill the people encompassing "Wrath" or "Envy"). And his motive? God told him to do it. So, in a way, he's justified for his behavior, right? Either way, his short serial killing spree is the greatest spree ever!

2. Hannibal Lecter (from the "Hannibal" series)
A psychiatrist with an appetite for human flesh comes in at the second spot. Since the 90's, people have been wanting to see the misadventures of this guy, and it's no wonder. He eats brains! That was a serious wtfuckers moment of 2001. And the guy's a class act too. Instead of having to kill a certain female fed to elude the other feds, he chops his own hand off. And women say chivalry is dead.

1. Joker (from "Batman" comics)
Now... if you're gonna die, you would wanna have a smile on your face, right? This guy, just had a bad day that changed him forever... he thinks... he's not really sure... maybe he was "born" that way... I dunno... and that lack of grasp of reality is the reason he is the way he is... but the real point here is, he's great at killing... using a wide array of weapons such as joy-buzzers, guns, knives, bombs and even a number 2 pencil, he gets the job done... and he even killed a Robin before! He may be a lunatic filled with sheer madness, but you can't deny this guy is the greatest serial killer ever. And I know you like this guy because seriously, WHO DOESN'T LIKE THE JOKER? Batman even LOLed his ass off at one of the Joker's jokes (and this was AFTER he shot Batgirl in the hip, paralyzing her in the process (and THEN kidnapping her and her father to subject them to torture)). The Joker... the greatest serial killer ever!

Well, there you have it. My Top 5 serial killers who probably murmur "redrum" to themselves... Bug Out!