F5!!! The Top 5 Damsels in Distress!!!

In fiction, there are heroes and there are villains... and there are also female characters known as damsels in distress. So, this week's F5 is dedicated to those who help advance the plot and action. I bring you "the Top 5 Damsels in Distress" or the "Damn bitch, can't you stay outta trouble?!"

5. Princess Peach (from Super Mario Bros. game series)

The worlds most famous video game princess who you always have to end up saving (sorry Princess Zelda, no one cares about you), and I've been trying to save her since the 80s to no success. Seriously, I've never beaten a game of Mario... Anyway, because of her, plumber-extraordinare Mario Mario (and his brother, Luigi Mario) go out the way to save her, in the hopes of laying the pipe. And thank you sex could be the least she could do since the two guidos battles against ghosts, turtles, bullets, and other weird characters. So, go save the Princess... might be able to take a royal bite outta that peach, if you know what I mean (take a bite out her ass just in case if you don't know what I mean).

My Crystal Balls! Top 4 Superman Picks!

A new Superman movie directed by Zack Snyder ("300", "Watchmen", "that owl movie") and executive produced by Christopher Nolan ("Dark Knight", "Inception", "the magic movie with Wolverine and Batman") is coming to theaters whenever in the future.
Now, I am no Superman fan (in fact, he is my most despised fictional character EVER created), but I think I have a keen sense on how Hollywood "thinks" these days when it comes to casting and making money. So, I'm gonna look into my nice, shiny, crystal balls to let you know who the potential top 4 picks for Superman will be. And I guarantee you, one of these 4 will be picked... because my balls are never wrong.