New Fump-Dibbidy Fictional Five Friday Feature!

First off, Happy Friday! Here goes another F5 for ya. This time it's the The Top 5 Worst Places to Visit or the "Maybe we should keep on driving..."

5. South Park, Colorado (from South Park)

If you visit this town, you will see crazy shit. Talking pieces of shit, crab people, and maybe even Jesus Christ! A lot of bad stuff occur here, but most of it is funny so that's why it comes in at the 5th spot. Word of advice, stay away from a kid named Eric Cartman... you may end up joining a Nazi-like collective who hates gingers and/or hippies.

4. Gotham City, New York(?) (from Batman)

A crime infested city with deranged serial killers, enigmatic lunatics, and various other forms of villains should be a good deterrent to keep you out the city limits. Also if you do visit Gotham City, there's a good chance you may become a hero or a vigilante, and that could be fun (even though someone you love is gonna have to be killed which will lead you to become said hero or vigilante). Out of all the towns/cities I listed today, this would actually be the only factious place that I wish really existed... mainly because the Joker is my favorite philosopher.

3. Camp Crystal Lake (from Friday the 13th movie series)

Good news! If you come here you're most likely gonna have a fun night having premarital sex and smoking doobies with other people your age. Bad News! You may get shanked by a hockey-masked killer named Jason Voorhes. So, if you hear "chhh chhh chhh chaa chaa chaa" start running like crazy. It wont help though because you're gonna trip and fall and then get fucked up by a machete. At least Crystal Lake is funner than fat camp.

2. Sunnydale, California (from Buffy the Vampire Slayer TV series)

Before Bon Temps of True Blood fame was infested with vampires, werewolves, werepanthers (wtfuckers on that), and whatever else monsters that reside there, they all called Sunnydale their home. This town is so littered with evil creatures that they even have their own "supernatural monster exterminator" in the form of Buffy Summers. So, unless you wanna be turned into a vampire (and not one of those "effeminate sparkling" vampires), don't stop here.

1. Airstrip One, Oceania (from the novel "1984")

That's right mofos! I read! Besides the Dictionary, my favorite book of all time is 1984 where "Big Brother" runs the country and there is no freedom of anything. With that said, you should already know this isn't a place to visit. Inside the poverty-stricken Airstrip One of Oceania, beware of TV screens because it has surveillance cameras, beware of everyone (they do a lot of snitching here), and beware of thoughtcrimes (thoughts that are not permitted by Big Brother). This may not be the most horrific place to live compared to the other places I've listed, but I like to be able to say "fuck the government" without being fearful of having my head put into a box, where hunger rats await to eat away at my eyeballs... but hey, that's just me.

So, on your next vacation, avoid these places! Bug Out!