Wednesday, October 13

Common Cents!!!

Sometimes, you sit around and think of why something is the way it is. Like why girls these days seem a little more "fucked up" than past generations. Examples for "fucked up" include: Kat Stacks, the plastic surgery trend, and the over-abundance of hoeness. And after doing some thinking, I think I know why they are like this.

I'll explain in my new segment...

My Common Cents tells me that girls these days are more "fucked up" because of...DISNEY PRINCESSES!!!


1. Snow White (from "Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs")
Subconsciously, Snow White is the 1st person you've ever known about who has been gang-banged... by Dwarfs no less. So it's pretty easy to see why some girls these days, are actually willing to engage in gang-bang activities. And just look at the pic, she's offering you pie yet has that sad look of despair in her eyes. The one most girls have after being on the sticky end of a bukakke party.
Lesson Here: Have sex with as many guys as possible and you'll eventually meet your Prince.

2. Cinderella (from "Cinderella")
OK, I get it. She has a shitty life. But still, she started the notion in girls' minds that being devious is the best way to get to a man's heart. And I'm sure she even got pregnant by the Prince to ensure she will have a meal ticket for the next 18 years.
Lesson Here: Lie to get a Prince.


3. Aurora (from "Sleeping Beauty")

So, um... as the picture above shows, a rape case will be pending. Although he's saving her life, I'm sure she's going to use this incident against him in the future in the courtroom, whenever after he breaks up with her. So, Princess Aurora, thanks for being a role model for fraudulent rape accusations.
Lesson Here: Have sex, claim rape.


4. Ariel (from "Little Mermaid")

What happened to fully loving yourself and being self-assured? Thanks to Ariel, insecure girls out there are getting ass implants or injections in attempt to get themselves a Prince. Also, she's the reason why so many girls do nothing of that fishy smell accumulating in their underwear.
Lesson Here: Change yourself drastically if you ever wish to get yourself a Prince.


5. Belle (from "Beauty and the Beast")

...bestiality... enough said.
Lesson Here: It's OK to have bat-shit crazy fetishes.

6. Jazmine (from "Aladdin")
There's many issues with this one. Daddy issues. Typical "rich girl" with problems (thinking her life is too sheltered). Ends up falling in love with a bum. Thanks to Jazmine, she helped influence a whole generation of girls, making them think it's OK to make poor decision-making skills if you're in "love". I guarantee you, this one will either end up stripping or end up face-down in a pissy alleyway.
Lesson Here: It's OK to make poor decision-making, when you're in "love".

*7. Nala (from "Lion King")
Nala... obviously isn't human. She's a feline. But you know what? A lot of "fucked up" girls have feline pets. And they talk to them. And dress them up. And have more two times more cats than they have rooms in their apartments. Be aware of these types. They may also even try to kill and eat your friends.
Lesson Here: It's OK to be a cat lady.
And I'll stop there, even though there are a few more Princesses, honestly, Lion King is the last real Disney movie that mattered. Everything after is just whatever coalition demanding a Princess to reflect their group (which forces non-classic Disney movies). I bet you there's gonna be a Daisy Dukes Disney movie,  where there will be two lesbian Princesses, vying for each other's love (which would could be interesting to watch, actually). 

Anyway, I'll make sure my daughters won't watch the movies featuring these ladies, if I'm ever cursed with having a daughter or daughters. Bug Out!

*At first, I wasn't going to do one on Nala, but then again, she is royalty. Simba's mom was still alive at the end, so I don't think Nala could become queen, making their kingdom have two queens... not real good on lion politics